I'm embarking on a year of self-love and hope to share my experience with you in the process. From meditation, manifestation, visualization and so much more.
So tomorrow I'm turning 28.
Usually, I'm not big on celebrating my birthday, and I never really feel like much changes, but this feels like a big one. I'm officially in my late twenties, meaning I'm almost 30, and it's making me think about what I want out of life. It's scary and exciting at the same time, and over the last few months, I've found myself doing a lot of souls searching about what this year will bring.
It's interesting because this actually is a time of people's lives where things shift. A friend told me about this astrological concept called a “Saturn Return”. Basically, it happens every 30 years or so and it's the astrological period in our life when Saturn has completed its orbit around the sun, coinciding with the time of our birth. I know, I know. This seems totally far fetched and out there, but after reading more about it, I actually can see the truth in it.
As you lead up to your 30th birthday (and also 60th and 90th, etc.), life takes you down one of two paths–either you take off or everything falls apart. And unfortunately, more often than not, it's the latter. It might not be as dramatic as everything around you crashing down, but for a lot of people, they realize their life isn't what they thought it would be. Maybe they're not as successful as they imagined, they're not where they thought they would be financially or even personally. It could even be that they're not the person they imagined they would be.
I wouldn't consider myself a spiritual person, but for the past few months, I've felt like something was off. I can't really explain it; it's almost like I feel disconnected. From everything; my work, my relationships (with both Matt and my friends), and myself. And part of me feels like it might have to do with the fact that this is a pivotal time in my life.
If you asked me where I thought I would be at 28, honestly, it's not where I am today.
I thought I would be working at some marketing agency, climbing my way up the corporate ladder. I had no clue I would be running my own business. And while I absolutely love it, it's also incredibly challenging (which makes it exciting at the same time).
I also assumed I would be married and planning for kids. And I thought I would be a homeowner. Reality is, I'm living in a place where the cost of living is out of control and I don't have any desire to my raise kids here.
Career-wise, I'm content. I love the flexibility of owning my own business and know there are only bigger things to come. But the other part? In my heart, it feels like that “dream” is still years away. It's scary. I'm scared. And I don't really know what's next.
But there's one thing I keep coming back to: Self Love.
I think so many of us, myself included, rely on external forces for our happiness and fulfillment. We look to our partners, our friends, our family, our work, our community, the world we live in, to make us happy, and while yes, they can certainly be a huge part of it, if don't have internal peace, you'll never be truly happy. We focus on the outside and don't take the time to look at what's inside.
So this year, rather than making big, huge, life-altering plans and goals, I'm focusing on me. It's going to be my year of self-love.
It feels selfish writing that, but I know that if I can find happiness and peace within myself, then the rest of it will fall into place. I want to feel grounded. I want to feel centered. I want to feel confident. I want to feel connected. I want to be more self-aware. I want to be conscious and compassionate. I want to feel empowered. I want to feel at peace. I want to feel unconditionally happy. I want to, deep down in my soul, find self-acceptance.
I know it's going to be a lot of work, but I feel mentally prepared for it. I think it's going to be an interesting journey and I'm actually pretty excited. I'm not totally sure what these changes will be, but a lot of it feels spiritual. Perhaps it's connecting to my higher self or listening more closely to what the universe tries to tell me, but really my focus is going to be to get in touch with who I am, what I want and what I need out of life.
I've already started taking a few steps towards this new “me”. For one, I've started meditating. Right now I'm only doing 5 minutes a day, and usually only on the weekdays, but it helps. I feel a sense of calm. I also took a 3-hour meditation workshop yesterday in Chelsea, which was about cultivating authentic self-love, and while it wasn't quite what I was hoping for, it was still inspiring and gave me a few techniques I can use in everyday life.
I've also picked up some books that I'm excited to dive into. The first is “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, which I've heard amazing things about. The other is “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay, which a friend recommended to me. I'm starting the Power of Now today and will move on to the other when I'm done.
But there are a bunch of other things on my list, which I thought I'd quickly share:
- develop a consistent meditation practice
- start journaling
- explore the idea of manifestation and visualization
- create a vision board
- get to know my body and its cues–from eating, to exercise, to sleep, etc.
- go on a meditation/spiritual retreat
- find a business coach or mentor
- spend more time in nature
- spend more time with friends
And I'm sure there will be others as this year unfolds.
So basically, there it is. My journey to self-love has commenced and I hope to share it with you along the way.
I realize this was a bit different than what I normally share here, but I felt compelled to write it down as I have a feeling it will have an impact on what happens with this site and my business in general. As much as this is a place where I share recipes and help you learn how to make healthy and delicious food, “healthy” is more than food. It's also the products we use, the environment we live in, the relationships we have with others and the relationship we have with ourselves.
My goal with this is not to just ramble on and on. It's to be open and transparent with you about what's going on in my life, which hopefully I'll be able to share in a way that is impactful for you. I know I'm not the only person who goes through experiences like this, so I will definitely be sharing what I learn and if it's something you've been thinking about, hopefully, I'll be able to give you resources and information that will help you.
For now, I just want you to know how grateful I am that you're here, reading these words, and sharing your time with me. I truly appreciate you ❤️